Loose Lips
Calypso High
Series Two, Episode Three


      "Oh, yes, definitely a paragon of journalism," Mari muttered. The school newspaper was holding a self-promoting assembly, and the ever-so-wise LPHS administration had made it mandatory for all students. Most of Mari's friends were sleeping, but she'd had a large strawberry slushie before school, and now she really, really had to pee. It was getting really hard to keep from screaming in frustration. Instead, she was muttering.
      "Silly me, I thought editorial cartoons were supposed to be *ironic*, not self-lauding."
      "Ahem."
      Mari jumped. Her very favorite teacher ever, Mr. Wideski, was hovering over her right shoulder. Frowning. She frowned back, but unfortunately, since the Wizard council had given her that restriction edict, he wasn't afraid of her anymore. Like she'd actually abide by it!
      Well, she would... but how could he be so sure of that?
      "Do you have a problem with the school paper, Miss DeSka?"
      "Yes," Mari replied cheerfully. "I could be learning some useful stuff in class right now, but instead I'm watching a live advertisement for a mediocre, pandering, and inexplicably narcissistic tabloid."
      "Nice vocabulary," Wideski sighed. "For your interruption, I'm sentencing you to two months-- the rest of the semester-- as a reporter for the LPHS Pink, so you can see how difficult it is to put out a paper every week."
      "Riiight," Mari drawled.
      "You'll join the staff at this afternoon's meeting-- three p.m. in room 118."
      "Can't. I've got field hockey. We're playing Surf Strip, and you know how important that game is. Last regular season game before playoffs. And I'm the star!"
      "Fine. I think the editorial board has crew practice, anyway," Wideski huffed. "But tomorrow at lunch, definitely-- no excuses!"
      "Whatever." The assembly was over now, so Mari woke up her friends-- Suki and the geeks today-- and they all filed out of the auditorium.
      "What was all the whispering about?" Suki asked as she checked her makeup.
      "Oh, I'm supposed to fix the Pink, since I can't stand the way it is now."
      "Cool! Add a gossip column," Suki suggested.
      Mari smiled slowly as a plan formed.
***
      Pink Pulse, Nov. 18, 1997: Hello, darlings. I've been charged with jazzing up your little paper, so here's the news you absolutely can't live without!
      * Everyone's favorite soph, DD, is now seeing buddy TC on a more-than-platonic basis. That explains the new haircut...
      * Senior JH missed out on playing Danny in Grease because of... a bad hair day? It seems his attempt at black hair turned out green! Meanwhile, he's slated to play the Grinch next month at Newshregsburg Elementary...
      * Everyone saw 'Good Morning LPHS' last week when anchor Ms. B flubbed her lines-- what you didn't see was why: a certain cameraman, doing the Dance of the Seven Veils! Ah, to have been a fly on *that* wall...

      The halls of LPHS were buzzing. Mari and her sole confidant in this anonymous venture, Suki, snickered behind their hands at the uproar.
      "This is better than I could have hoped for!" Mari said. "I have massive amounts of power-- and nobody knows it!"
      "You, me, and Parker Ericson," Suki said, naming the editor of the paper.
      "My only regret is I'll never be able to put *him* in the column," Mari sighed melodramatically.
      "Does he *do* anything?"
      "Not really, I guess. Just the paper, and that speaks for itself."
      "What about Wideski?"
      "Oh, he knows. But I've increased circulation-- and ratings-- about 2000 percent. He can't complain. He's got the most successful non-sport extra-curric, other than drama. Which is *also* his. So he's got *massive* faculty bragging rights."
      "So you get punished, but it hurts him more?"
      "Yeah. He really ought to know better by now." Mari stopped at her locker to ditch her calc book. "Well, I guess I should go to music class. I'll see you at the A/V meeting tonight? I'm covering the proceedings for my legit paper job."
      "Sure," Suki said. "Davis will *love* to see you."
      "Davis," Mari chuckled. The geek had a little crush on her. He was good company, though, so while she wasn't looking for romance at the moment, she did have a lot of fun. "See you later, Suki."
***
      "Good Morning, LPHS!" Karina Brono gushed to the camera. "Today is November 25, 1997. The top story this morning: Who *is* Ms. "Ann Onymous", the writer of Pink Pulse, and who will appear in the column this week? With us this morning is Pink editor Parker Ericson."
      "Good morning, Karina." The camera panned out to show Parker sitting opposite Karina in comfy armchairs.
      "Good to have you with us, Parker. Tell me, who is this gossip columnist?"
      "You know I can't reveal that," Parker chuckled.
      From her seat in the cafeteria, Mari rolled her eyes at the fakeness of both the "journalists".
      "Can you at least tell us whether it is actually a female student?"
      "Do you think a male student would actually be so aware of the underbelly of LPHS life?"
      The chuckling grated on Mari's nerves. She wished she could publish what she had on Parker. Well, she'd just have to double up on Karina gossip.
      "Okay, Parker, tell us about the impact this column has had on the paper." Karina looked disappointed and bored just underneath her Katie Couric surface.
      "Circulation is at an all-time high. The last time the Pink had numbers like this was the 1987 Championship Soccer special edition. The impact on the drama club, certain sports, and even this program have also been significant."
      "Yes, we've gotten many requests to put our dancing cameraman on the air," Karina said, turning as pink as the LPHS mascot, Freddy the Fighting Flamingo. "Well, that's all the time we have right now. Here's K.C. Chanel with the weather."
***
      "Nov. 25, 1997: Well, darlings, you love me! As I knew you would. Before Turkey-day break, here's some giblets for you.
      * Alum UC ('95) has been hanging about lately, but possibly not to see ex DD. No, his attention's been on her pal, DF, much to the dismay of a certain toad...
      * The freshman class, slighted last week, has been trying to catch my attention. Here, my sweetings: two frosh, caught smoking, beat the rap by bribing officials. Not with cash, as usual. Seniors take note: Dr. Discipline likes orange Tic-Tacs by the case!
      * A not-so-wise frosh, CT, accidentally sat at soph DD's table-- oops! But now the two are best of friends, bonding over a mutual love of dance. So you can lay to rest those rumors of indentured servitude...
      * The mystery on everyone's mind (besides my identity, hmm?) is who'll be tops in the senior class this year. The top contender, DJ, bowed out quietly in October, leaving the field to DD and ER, but why? We hear it's something regarding a little-known morals clause in the Honors Program contract. Should MD be watching her back a bit more carefully?...
***
      "Pure genius," Mari said. She was on the phone with Suki, while she worked on compiling next week's column. They'd been talking about how she'd put herself in the column.
      "Nobody'll suspect you now," Suki agreed. "So, what's up for next week?"
      "I'm not sure yet," Mari lied. "How's Brian?"
      "Fine. I am not giving you fodder."
      "Davis reports to me, anyway," Mari shrugged.
      "I should pound him!"
      "Relax, Su. Nobody really cares about geeks except us, anyway." Mari scrawled "SK + BG" on her yellow legal pad. She knew there were naughty doings there, but what? "So, any parties at the ol' airfield I should know about?" Mari asked.
      "Nah, it's getting too cold at night for that kind of thing. There's a Weezer concert next week, though," Suki said. "And since Brian's working at the Arena now, we've all got free tickets!"
      "Damn! When were you planning on telling me?"
      "Um, two minutes before showtime?"
      "Thanks." Mari paused. "So, do we get backstage passes, too?"
      "Of course!" Suki squealed.
      "Ooh! I'll have to bring my autograph book!"
      "Your what?"
      "Oh, I guess that's one of my little anachronisms," Mari shrugged. "Say, why are Weezer touring now? I thought they were on hiatus or broken up or something."
      "It's not a tour. It's a one-time-only show," Suki explained. "And it's not actually Weezer, it's just Rivers Cuomo, a solo show. Someone from Layla:) bugged the hell out of Rivers and promised to go away only if he played a show here."
      "What? I thought I was the only one who stalked famous people," Mari said, confused.
      Suki just giggled.
      "Suki! You didn't!"
***
      Mari, wearing a shiny new backstage pass clipped on the collar of her "Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick van Dyke Show" dress, skittered nervously behind Suki and Brian backstage at the Peska Arena. Davis brought up the rear, which Mari figured was because *her* rear looked particularly great in this dress.
      "Ooh! There's Rivers!" Suki stage-whispered behind her hand. Rivers, who had been looking at a piece of paper in his hand, looked up and around warily. "Hiiiii!" Suki yelled, waving wildly. "Rivers, it's meeee, Suki!"
      Rivers looked very, very frightened, then smiled as he got a good look at Suki. "You really *are* half-Japanese!"
      "Yeppers!" Suki cheered, then flung her arms around Rivers, who just tilted his head back in bliss. "Hm, I think I'll have to cancel that restraining order," he said.
      Suki giggled.
      Then he turned serious. "As much as I'd like to stay, I'm having a little crisis. My bass player has been kidnapped. Or quit. I can't quite make out this note." He held up the piece of paper, most of which was in doctor-caliber handwriting. Only "no show" and "bass" were legible.
      "Oh, Mari plays bass," Suki said, pointing at Mari. "She can sub."
      All eyes turned to Mari, who promptly turned bright red and tried to back away. Davis got in her way, and Mari would bet he enjoyed it. "What are you talking about? I've never even touched a bass in my life."
      "Yes, you have," Suki insisted. "And you're good, too."
      "Okay, *maybe* I touched Lynette's bass-- which is a double bass, mind you, not bass guitar-- but I certainly can't play it, much less in any way that might be termed 'good'. A crush on Paul McCartney does not make me qualified to play bass."
      "She can too play," Suki said to Rivers.
      Rivers looked back and forth between the girls, totally confused. Was Mari just being modest? Or was Suki actually crazy, as he'd thought when she started stalking him? He really, really wished he was in his nice, safe apartment in Cambridge right now, or *anywhere* on the East Coast, three thousand miles away from psycho SoCal girls. Even if one of them *was* half-Japanese. And looked like a porn star. And *acted* like a porn star.
      Rivers shook himself. "I'll settle this," he said. "That over there," he pointed, "is a bass. If you can play it, you play with us. If not... well, no matter what, I want Suki to come back to the Hilton with me."
      Brian growled, but nobody noticed. Suki was giggling again.
      Mari stared at the bass. It didn't move, so apparently she couldn't play it by telekinesis. She walked over and picked it up.
      "Well, she's got it the right way up," Rivers muttered. "That's encouraging."
      "Hmm?" Mari said, staring at Rivers.
      "Nothing." He squirmed under her gaze.
      She poked at the strings tentatively, then plucked one. "Holy feather-beds! That's out of tune, man." Quickly, she tuned the bass, then played part of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."
      "Told you so!" Suki shouted.
      Rivers winced. "Don't you have a volume control?"
      "I can't believe it," Mari said. She stared down at her hands in shock. "Did I really play that?"
      "Yes. And that's good enough for me," Rivers said, grabbing her by the elbow (as both hands were still on the bass) and dragging her off to parts unknown.
      "Well, damn," Suki pouted.
***
      Mari played the full, short set with Rivers and his back-up band, to a packed auditorium of hard-core fans and the occasional person who'd wandered in off the street because of the high quality music emanating from the Arena. People were saying afterward that she was so good, they wouldn't have noticed the substitute if she hadn't been, um... a girl.
      Rivers was just happy that the show hadn't totally sucked. And then there was that wonderful, insane Suki to look forward to...
      Mari and Suki were chattering away at each other when suddenly Mari said, "Shoot! We're gonna miss curfew!"
      "What?" Rivers said, his heart sinking. Okay, maybe it wasn't his *heart*, exactly. But something was sinking. "What do you mean, curfew?"
      "Yeah, I almost forgot about that," Suki sighed. "We have to be home by midnight."
      "Or we'll turn into pumpkins," Mari grinned. "C'mon, Su. Let's go."
      "How old are you?" Rivers asked. "Aren't you old enough to set your own hours?"
      "Oh, gosh, no! We're only seventeen!" Mari laughed.
      Rivers slowly turned away. "Very lucky this time," he told himself. "Very, very lucky." He walked away, in the general direction of a dark room and a nice, safe anime video.
      Mari and Suki watched him, shrugged, and left, still giggling over their backstage (and onstage) adventures.
***
      Dec. 2, 1997: Welcome back from break, darlings! Now here's some more fun to brighten your day...
      * Soph DD went veggie over the weekend and decided to "free" her Mom's turkey. Unfortunately, said bird was not only already dead, but *frozen solid*. It slid down the streets of Calypso Beach for an hour before big sis MD cornered it by the swingsets at CMS. No word yet on how this dietary change will affect meat sales across Layla:)...
      * Speaking of MD, the popular senior got a bit of a surprise at the Rivers Cuomo concert Saturday night, as did the entire audience. Turns out she plays a passable bass. Who knew?...
      * News from the Teacher's Lounge -- Ms. R-Z, said to be on sabbatical, is actually on pregnancy leave. Seems that while pregnant students are okay (senior DF, for the third time), enceinte unwed teachers are strictly verboten. Ooh, and I'm mixing languages again...
      * What would you do for a Klondike bar? One of the Z twins was seen sneaking off campus to visit the Pilgrim's Bodega. When he got back with the sweet stuff, his bro and tennis buddies snatched 'em up, leaving nothing for our hero but frost-bitten fingertips...

      "What the... everyone knows--"
      "Surprise? Even *I* knew--"
      "Mari on bass? Well, duh--"
      The confused murmurs were unknowingly damning. *Everyone*, from the coolest senior (Jens Herrkauf) to the lowliest freshman (Coli Texas), knew that Mari played bass in the last few weeks of The Family Act.
      Everyone, that was, except Mari. She *still* thought it was a past life resurfacing.
      Suki and Dream, Mari's two most aware friends, and Dani, were clustered together near the door to the planetarium. Students milled around them.
      "We've got to do something," Dani said. "But we can't bring back the memories of you-know-who. She might kill herself."
      "It's my fault," Suki said mournfully. "I brought up the bass playing in the first place."
      "Blame doesn't help us now," Dream said.
      "Even if it *is* all your fault," Dani said to Suki, who whimpered.
      "Dani! Not helping!" Dream scolded.
      Dani sighed. "Only my dumb sister would block off parts of her own brain."
      "And only Mari could bring back the musical skills without the memory of how she got them," Dream said.
      "Maybe we don't have to do anything," Suki suggested. "She'll keep protecting herself."
      "No," Dream said, shaking her head. "We've got to stop her from writing those columns before anyone *else* puts two and two together."
      "That's right. We can't be the only ones who've figured it out," Dani said, glancing at the passers-by as if she could tell by looking whether they knew.
      "Dava, I'll bet, and Cueball," Dream nodded. "They wouldn't intentionally hurt her, but Cueball might let Christianne know, and she..."
      "She's an idiot," Dani supplied.
      Dream shrugged helplessly.
      "Well, I only see one thing we *can* do," Dani said decisively.
      "What's that?" Suki asked.
      "Get professional help. Or rather," she grimaced, "editorial help."
***
      "Canceled?" Mari whispered, one hand rising unbidden to her lips.
      Parker sighed. "Yes. Came from the top."
      "Ohh, man," Mari said. "I knew that bit about Ms. Raton-Zita was going to push it. I just didn't realize how far."
      "Precisely," Parker said. "Of course, you still have to at least finish out the semester covering field hockey and... well, some other sport, since field hockey's almost done. To avoid suspicion, you know."
      "Oh, yeah. I don't want Jens finding out *I* was the one who blabbed about the hair."
      "That was a good one," Parker agreed, "but Jens is still ripping mad."
      "Well, I'll see you at the next deadline," Mari shrugged, then slumped out of the room. Maybe she'd go buy a bass to cheer herself up.
      Parker dropped back into his chair. He'd been terrified that Mari would mind-read him and see the truth.
      The phone rang. "The Pink, this is Ericson. How can I help you?"
      "Did she accept the story?" a voice whispered.
      "Yes, all clear," Parker replied.
      "Thanks, paper-boy. And we'll just keep quiet about that incident with the copy machine."
      Parker hung up. How many people *knew* about that?!

***

In two weeks... Christmas!